Movie Reviews

I would like to take this time to review two movies I have seen recently. I have seen many movies lately, but there are two that really stand out in my mind. First, “Stranger Than Fiction” with Will Farrell and Maggie Gyllenhaal. I don’t know why, but I connected with this movie on such a level that it felt like the movie was written just for me. I felt like I had something in common with all of the characters, and the versatility of Will Farrell’s acting really surprised me. Even more than that, the movie had a ton of elements that I can relate to: interesting architecture, culinary arts, law school, organized life style, and the need for a really big change to let you see the bigger picture. I won’t give away any more about the film, but I will encourage you all to go out and see it, and I hope it clicks with you even a fraction of the extent that it resonated with me.

In other movie news, I would like to tell you about what is among the worst movies I have seen in the entire history of my movie-watching career, which would be the new James Bond vehicle “Casino Royale.” I will not say that what I am about to tell you will spoil the movie, because in order to spoil something it must at first have some elements that would be enjoyable were they not tainted. This garbage, I loath to call it a film, has no such intrinsic value. In any even, if you feel you might be compelled to see this catastrophe with no preconceptions, please stop reading now. Having said that, let the Bond bashing begin.
First of all, there is a basic formula to any given Bond movie, which you can trace back from the earliest Sean Connery all the way up to the latest Pierce Brosnan. It goes like this: Bond engages in a miniature adventure at the beginning of the film, usually unrelated to the rest of the movie. He escapes, gets debriefed by M who assigns him a new mission. The mission involves stopping a mastermind of some sort who has grand plans to take over the world, control the majority of some natural resource, or in some way hold a large portion of the population hostage unless demands are met. These plans are highly creative and usually depend on a large number of people dressed in the same sort of jumpsuits running around monitoring various instruments. Along the way Bond meets one, sometimes two beautiful women who either help him or secretly work for the bad guy. He has sex with them either way. The movie concludes with Bond saving the day with the help of some clever gadgets provided by Q, occasionally a tricked out Aston Martin, and almost always at the expense of many of the similarly jumpsuited nobodies who throw them selves dramatically over railings after being shot or merely shot in the direction of.. The movie ends with Bond and whatever attractive is still alive hooking up one final time before the credits roll. Go ahead; watch any Bond movie you want, and see if that fits. I’ll wait here.

Want to guess which Bond movie doesn’t follow that formula? I’ll give you a hint: it “starts” Daniel Craig, who is the most un-Bond-like human on the planet. This goof ball has all the style, finesse and charm of a badger caught in a bear trap. I think if they had announced instead that Fran Drescher would be the new Bond, I would be less disappointed. The only thing Craig has going for him is that he’s British, so while he can’t fake any other element of acting to save his life, at least the accent came naturally.

I’ve sat here pouring over this page trying to say enough bad things about this piece of garbage, but I just can’t do it. And what bugs the hell out of me is that it has been getting good reviews! So, while I encourage no one to actually go see this, I would ask that those of you who have had the misfortune and came away with anything resembling a good impressing to please tell me why. If there was even one redeeming quality to this train wreck, I certainly missed it. I didn’t even see a good opportunity for a video game. I can honestly say that I hated this movie almost as much as I hated “Alexander,” and if you heard that tirade, you know that’s saying something.