Random Ramblings

I have had some time during recent lulls in activity to ponder some of life's greater mysteries. Those which I did not come up with a satisfactory answer to I now present to you in hopes that together we can figure them out. Chiefly among them: what exactly is the Michelin Man supposed to be made of? I've always thought he was supposed to be made of tires, but then why is he white? Tires certainly aren't white. Even whitewall tires are only white on the edged, not the contact patch that should be on the outside of the Man. Also, if he is designated the Michelin Man, then that begs the question: is there a Michelin Woman? This opens a veritable Pandora's Box of questions regarding gender-specific advertising icons. Why is Mr. Butterworth not in the public eye? I am not curious about the existence of Mrs. Peanut, however. I'm sure there isn't one. There is no way an attached legume would dress the way Mr. Peanut does. When he steps out in his top hat, monocle, cane and spats, he is clearly announcing to the world: he is a peanut on the prowl. Another curiosity I submit for your consideration: how come no matter how many sunsets you witness, there are always colors you swear you've never seen before? The sun is the same, it produces the same light, falls off the same horizon, and reflects off the same masses of suspended ice and water vapor. How can the colors always be so dramatically different? A sunset I saw recently made it look as though the whole western horizon was on fire. This worried me at first, but then I realized that somewhere off in the distance was western Texas, and I was OK with the possibility of conflagration on a grand scale.

I'll let you mentally digest the above paragraph while you read the following one. This past week for me saw some new achievements at work. First, I delivered a wedding cake. Before you ask if I've lost my mind, let me allay your fears: I did not take my car. The wedding cake arrived without damage, but the groom's cake (whatever that is) did have some minor damage when it came in contact with the box it was moved in. Fortunately we got the kitchen manager to sign for the cake and we got out of Dodge before they asked us to fix it or something. We had no tools and definitely no skills to do such a thing. Second, I burned my arm on the oven at work. It hurt pretty bad and just might leave a neat scar. Finally, I shot a acoustic tile with a champagne cork. I thought I had the situation under control, but the cork just shot out of my hands. No one was injured, but I can't say the same thing for the tile. In other news, my birthday is coming up, and further in the future I plan t have a fire-breathing pumpkin for Halloween and a trip to Switzerland for New Year's. It is my own personally lethargy that is keeping the pumpkin project from taking off, and other people are responsible for the hang ups in the Switzerland trip. The birthday is proceeding as planned, with or without anyone's intervention. I'll be 25, and that's a scary number when placed next to my modest stack of accomplishments. No one to blame for that but me I suppose, but as soon as I get over the fear of going to law school, I hope to have a pretty sizable feather in my cap.

Winners & Losers

Winner: Me! I know it might be a wee bit biased to announce myself the winner of my own informal competition, but I'm quite proud of my rollerblading ability. I am now able to pass and keep behind me most amateur bike riders. One such rider called my speed "phenomenal." I'm still not able to take down the pro riders on their titanium bike and superhero Spandex, but let's be real with it: those people are machines anyway.

Loser: People who bother cows. How bad do you have to bother a cow to get it to attack you? There aren't truly dangerous animals like bears or walruses, they're cows for crying out loud. Basic animal handling rules apply: don't poke them with sticks and don't bother the babies. Other than that, cows usually don't require any other special handling instructions. Use common sense, Swiss hikers. And if you have to go to the ranger station and report being attacked by a cow, be prepared that people might laugh at you. And be sure to protect yourself in the springtime during butterfly mating season, they can get pretty rough, too.