Week of June 21-27 - Special Moving CJ and Ashley to Las Vegas Edition! Part IV

Yes, Dear Readers, I know it has been a long time coming for this last installment of my Las Vegas adventure. I do owe you an explanation, and that comes in the form of a little bit of laziness and a lot of stomach virus. I’ve been ill for the past week, and in no mood for typing. Excuses aside, here I am, so let’s light this candle.

After successfully arranging all the big pieces of furniture in their respective rooms and getting a good night’s sleep, Ashley and Brookie took the beginning of the next day to do that most feminine of activities: shopping. Specifically furniture shopping for the rooms that could not be filled with the stuff we carted across the country. Meanwhile, CJ and I engaged in the much more manly activity of returning the rental truck. The only reason I didn’t leave that truck with a bullet hole in the engine was because I had no gun with me at the time. After we cast that albatross from our necks, we decided to grab some grub. Tired of fast fooding our way across the country, we decide on something green. We cruise to the local Albertson’s to get salad gear. Here’s a fun little tip: even the grocery stores in Las Vegas come equipped with slot machines. I can see all kinds of problems arising for people with gambling addictions coming to the store with a week’s worth of grocery money and leaving with a broken heart, and empty stomach, and two pockets full of disappointment. Back at the house, we assemble our salads and watch the first episode of ‘Lost.’ CJ and I sit down to a game of poker when the girls show up, so we deal them in. I use my natural prowess at poker, and lose almost immediately. Brooke took me out. I think CJ eventually won it all, but I know for sure that all three of them put my meager skill to shame.

At the conclusion of our little poker tournament, we decide to head out to the strip. Our plan was to get there while it was light out so we could see some stuff, grab dinner at a famous Vegas buffet, and then head back out at night so we could marvel at just what you could do with unlimited building budgets and 90% of the output from Hoover Dam. We drop the car off at Caesar’s Palace and hit The Strip. We came out of the parking garage into the shopping promenade in Caesar’s Palace, and a change came over Brooke. She was hypnotized by words like Versace and Fendi and Prada. These are words that I had heard of, and was vaguely aware of their meaning, but Brooke’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates when she saw them. Sadly, there was no time for shopping because we were on a mission for food. The salads CJ and I had earlier were not holding up in the desert heat, and we needed food! While Ashley went off to ask people for places to eat, I took the opportunity to engage in a little gambling. I dropped a dollar into the nearest penny slot machine. The people of Caesar’s Palace recognize big gamblers when the see them, and I was almost instantly offered the High Roller’s Suite, which of course I declined. OK, maybe that part didn’t happen, but I did walk on the wild side by letting Brooke, who is only 17, do most of the handle pulling at the slot machine. Yes, I am acknowledging at in writing that I broke the established laws of a city and helped contribute to the delinquency of a minor.

As it turns out, the buffest Vegas is famous for are not easy to find. True indeed, very little in Vegas that is not directly related to gambling is easy to find. This includes restrooms and exits. CJ’s predatory instincts were starting to take over, and I started to worry that if we didn’t find him food soon, he might find a weak child or unsuspecting German tourist and consume them. In and out of several casinos later, we finally end up in Bally’s and CJ picks up a scent. He takes off like a shot, and the rest of us try to keep up until he finally stops at: a buffet! Here we dine on all sorts of delicious food, including stir fry, fresh bread, oso busco (sadly made with pork instead of lamb), shrimp (though none for me), crab legs, pasta of all varieties, a half dozen comfort foods, and sushi. Then for dessert we eat our way through a whole host of decadent little treats until we can scarcely move. But move we do outdoors to bask in the glow of all the opulence and indulgence Sin City has to offer. We caught the water show at the Bellagio, and admired the Eiffel tower at Paris. Then we decided to walk down the Strip to see what we could see. Well, I decided we should do that because Ashley was getting hot and Brookie would have been perfectly happy to find a clothing store and spend the rest of the night there. Now for a little note about the heat out in Las Vegas. People always say “Yes, but it’s a dry heat” as though that makes it all better. Dry heat just keeps your body from sweating, so you slowly cook from the inside out. It literally feels like you’re walking around in an oven, whereas the humidity of Florida feels like a sauna. Last time I checked, people paid good money for access to saunas, but usually don’t see the inside of ovens until after they’re dead.

We walked all the way down to New York, New York and figured that would be a good place to stop since we would have to walk an equal distance back to our car. There is a roller coaster at this casino, and with full bellies, we decided to give it a try. This roller coaster is modeled after a checkered yellow cab of the type that is so common in New York, and I must say they did an excellent job making it authentic. The ride was overpriced for how far you traveled and you constantly feel like your very life is in danger. Unlike an authentic New York cab ride, though, the roller coaster offered some sort of passive restraint device. We decided to head home after that, because it was getting late, and Brooke and I needed to be at the airport extremely early the next morning for our flights home. Not wanting to make the girls walk all the way back to Caesar’s Palace to retrieve the car, CJ and I hustled down to fetch it while the ladies waited inside. After a brief bout of getting lost we manage to get the girls, then get a little bit more lost before we finally make our way home.

Bright and early the next morning, we were up and out. It felt more like the continuance of the night before rather than the next morning, but these are the sacrifices you need to make when flying stand-by. It was only after Brooke and I said our goodbyes to CJ and Ashley and made our way through security that I realized I had forgotten my camera in Ashley’s truck. Apparently what happens in Vegas truly stays in Vegas, at least any physical recording of it. I kicked myself for that a number of times because I can’t imagine another time when I’ll get to see a desert sunrise over the runway. Other than a lengthy stop in Nashville I got home without incident, bringing to a close my second cross-country driving adventure. I’m very glad I took this opportunity for a number of reasons. First and foremost, it was good to get to know my best friend again. Over the past few years CJ and I have drifted, but we have squared that up for sure. Also, CJ and Ashley are always fun to hang out with. I don’t have a college degree, a place of my own, and a solid track for a career (all of those can be vastly improved with the addition of “yet” at the end) but the fact that they do makes me feel good when I hang out with them. Finally, I was going through sort of a rough time with my break up with Katie, and I needed to be in the company of good people. Which reminds me: for those of you who might not know by now, Katie and I have broken up. I won’t bore you with details or dwell on them myself other than to say that shit happens. For those of you concerned about me, I’m doing just fine. If you’re concerned about her, you’ll have to ask her that; we don’t talk much anymore, and I’m no longer the resident expert on her well-being.

In other news, I have two other projects now to fill my time. First and most exciting is the trip to Switzerland I’m planning. I intend to be there over New Year’s, and I’m looking forward to eating fondue in a castle with my friends more than I can put into words. Also, my cousin and I are working on a Halloween project involving a flaming pumpkin that will so terrify the children that they will never even make it to the door to ask for candy. Indeed, my measure of success for this project will be the amount of leftover candy we have at the end of the night. I’m considering starting a new blog to chronicle that project, I’ll get back to you with details on that. Other than that, life is just cruising along, and I apologize for the further delay that I can’t post this because our Internet is out, and the good people of Bright House have given me the nebulous time of “between 11 and 2” before they show up. I swear, if I ran my availability like that, I’d be fired for sure, I wonder how they get away with it. Anyway, I hope everyone who still reads this is doing well, and I hope to get back to regular postings shortly.